In a flu-leftover fever daze, I stood at the kitchen sink shoving weiners and meatballs down the disposal, watching as the weiners spiraled out of control and finally disappeared. It left me thinking how I have witnessed so many men spiral like that. Body all stupid and astute. Neck stiff, arms seemingly missing until something goes flying across the room, and suddenly the weiner has...
I am well past the point of trying to impress other people, actually, I am not so sure of how close I ever even got to that point at any time in my life. I can be thoroughly unimpressive on the majority of days, an incredibly insensitive woman on others, but now and then, you will catch me on a shining day or at least...
“Cooler” weather has hit, and the proof is on my front porch swing. Normally, I drink my coffee in Bossy inside the garage, tempting myself with an inevitable nap. I ride so low in my car that I cannot see over the hood; my left shoe always slides off, and my foot comes up onto the seat, my knee just trying to see what my...
It’s aliveeeeeee! Following my last major break from writing, I think I addressed jumping back in. Consider this a blanket statement for all my future posts. Andddddd we are jumping. I have spent a few evenings throughout the last few months discussing missing writing and also how, usually, when I am writing something is “wrong.” It often means I am going through something and need...
I have not been a wife for eleven years, but that did not stop me from acting like a Real Housewife (of Anywhere) this Saturday. I “snapped” and I damn near could have flipped the table like good ole Teresa. I feel pretty confident that you don’t have to watch the show; you can catch one of the teasers for the next episode or maybe...
Sometimes when I chat with particular people, I feel the same excitement and comfort I used to feel when I would be under the sheets with one or both of my legs straight up in the air (this is not going where you think it is, “comfort” should have given that away) creating breathing space and a little “tent” if you will. I talked so...
On late nights, I would go up to the college library and leave my dog in the car. I remember parking my car, walking the empty sidewalks in my sweatpants, opening loud doors, and taking memorized footsteps to the same section. This rush of fear and anticipation would come over me as I would slide my finger along the tops of the pages of these...
This weekend I laid in bed for a while just thinking. Yeah, total fucking shocker. I kept thinking about how some rooms only have one furniture layout available and how it is nearly impossible to imagine designing the room differently with any success. The thought kept going on, further and further as I tend to do. I closed my eyes and imagined my new bedroom....
Two words emerged at the end of last year: “Certain” and “Surrender.” I am certain I have not written in a long time because I surrendered to life happening and being as involved, present, and joyous about being alive as possible. I have not opened up entirely to what has been taking place. It is a sensitive subject, and this is a place where you...
I visited my grandma yesterday. As many of you know through either stories on Instagram, knowing me in real life, or mentions in previous entries, she has dementia and Alzheimer’s. Growing up, we were not very close, but I have some fond memories. Since I was the youngest and my older siblings attended school before I did, she would haul me around in the backseat...
Where do I begin? How about falling through a chair at the Rodeo Ball? I was not intoxicated, just simply leaning over and in to be polite because it was too loud to hear and too dark to read lips. Spoiler alert, as their name indicates, “collapsable chairs” collapse. Who Knew? The bruises and pain a week after serve as a reminder that I am...
I go from really quiet to really loud in no time. Today was no exception. The boys and I went to visit my grandma and when we got home we were all grabbing a snack and doing our own thing for a little bit. Decompressing if you will. I had finished chewing a slice of grapefruit I pulled out of the fridge, which was too...
I make an incredibly simple pasta salad. It is ridiculously good but embarrassingly simple. Anyway, I decided to make it last night on my way home from the park. The park I have been walking with my girlfriend and her dogs for the last few days. The same park I take my sons to and walk the same little route since they were only two...
Let me start by saying, my energy is rising and I am feeling better! I hate to be the person who is like fuck the holidays, but, fuck the holidays. I am not big on the “Hallmark Holidays” nor making the important ones resemble the like. I think gifts should be given when you think of someone, because you thought of someone, not because there...
Christmas came and went, and I am thankful. Yall know I get the winter blues, especially when it’s December and we have summer temperatures. I never even fully decorated our tree. I was seventy-seven percent dedicated to not decorating at all, but somehow the twenty-three percent won. It is that fucking undying love I have for my sons. I usually wait until after the new...
(I never hit Post on this one, it is from last week when the weather fucked me up) I just hopped off my walking pad, because if it were not hard enough to stay positive right now, there is this miserable constant mist today and it felt a little too heavy to run in. Perhaps tomorrow. I’m not particularly eager to write about things no...
I went to Sprouts last night for one thing, it is always for one thing…Hazelnut-flavored coconut + almond creamer. I am obsessed, and some other little fucker out there is as well. There are two of us?! Every time I go it is sold out and I let my mind get carried away imagining some uptight woman with red plastic glasses on in some artsy...
Once, I spent an entire year of my life opening up to a man who in the end failed to tell me he had a rabbit. How in the world do some of us end up so fucking blindsided? For some it is a rabbit, for others, it is a wife. I should count my blessings. Most of my exes were good at loopholes, masters...
I took a trip. A long one. One very far away from everyone I know, everything I know, and everything I love. I have tried to explain the many facets of why I took this trip and I cannot do it in complete honesty for a multitude of reasons. Mostly, I wish to avoid hurting others, and there are several involved. It does not bother...
I do this thing where I go through the alphabet in my head when I am trying to remember someone’s name and the letter on my “mental chalkboard” gets really big and bold so I know that is what letter their name starts with. So I’m laying in bed last night and I’m going “a, b, c, d…” you get it, the fucking alphabet. However...
I saw a photo on Instagram of a coyote at the beach. It made me remember this one time when I was on vacation and I thought I would try a sunrise out for fun. I hopped in the golf cart, drove from the condo to the beach, and saw a “stray dog” on my way. I pulled over, got out, squatted down low to...
Tattling drives me insane. As if I don’t have enough shit to keep up with, now you bring to me on a golden platter something you know is going to upset me? I never really understood this growing up, like why the hell you mad at me? They are the ones doing/saying it! Confession. I was a bus monitor and the teacher’s pet until about...
Oh, hi again. Man, what a fucking couple of weeks it has been. Lots of good, and some extreme sadness. I celebrated my birthday for a couple of weeks and can confidently say, it was my best birthday yet, and I tragically lost someone I loved very much. Lately, I have been paying attention to the way I am around certain people, things I don’t...
I showered in total darkness last night. In my shower, there is a light that I never turn on because enough light comes in through the skylight and from outside of the shower. Y’all know damn well how I feel about lighting anyway (insert hissing), and besides, no one needs that much light while naked. Last night was pitch black though, I was in one...
I watched this video of a woman who played the accordion while her dog would stand on this lime green fabric office chair next to her, and dance to the music. The lady has since passed away and was being commemorated on Mother’s Day. I took in many different aspects of the video as it faded into a new scene every few seconds. A compilation...
Growing up all the girls got to the cute girly phase where they could bubble their letters and make posters for pep rallies, etc. I just reached the age where the boys were finally bigger than me and me kicking their asses was no longer cute, so naturally, I started practicing bubble lettering. I whipped my skillz out a few years back and both of...
I had a phone call with my momma yesterday. Our calls are long, hours long. We bounce from one subject to another and then back again, crack a joke about everything we learned was better to laugh about than to cry about, and then finally bring it all to a close with five to twenty “I love you’s”. I took my hair down during the...
…I had cracked the car window to listen like a real pro. I had never been in this situation before, yet everything came so naturally to me. Just about as natural as it was to get myself into some stupid fucking situation to begin with. But not to worry, remember oxygen, sunshine, music, and food man back in Texas was on standby. So “my” dude...
I have a sick addiction to the results of working out. I always try to imagine the feeling of eating something super unhealthy while at the same time feeling a muscle that is getting more defined. And the muscle or visible bone always wins. Brad said the same thing. Aight, Brad, I see you. I really can find something to agree on with just about...
I have had a smidge of an attitude lately. The boys and I go to the park for little walk and talks, and on a particular day last week, we all were a little grumpy. It was humid, and I am rather dramatic about the humidity and heat. I often swear I will not survive it, yet somehow I always do. We moved the walking...
I remember when I was in high school driving home late one night with a friend. A deer had been hit by a car and was still trying to stand up to take off but was unable to despite its best delusional adrenaline-filled efforts. So my friend turned the truck around, pulled over, took a knife out and slit its throat. We drove off and...
I am picking up like I have not been absent for the last couple of months, because I have not been. I have been more present than before. I had some sorting through to-do, and writing was not helping because when I write, I tend to feel soft, forgiving, hopeful, and romantic. None of those emotions were the ones I needed to feel to let...
You know you have a problem when you start shopping for dresses online and you realize at check out the one you chose after hours of randomly filling carts turns out to be a bathrobe. I mean is that a problem though. No question mark is needed. I have been having this strange dislike of clothing and how it feels. Like a total irritability associated...
Currently, I am eating last night’s spaghetti while drinking this morning’s coffee. You know, getting fueled up for today’s algebra lessons. My back is tight from sleeping in a near upright position like a hospital patient when in reality I was just a hostage to three very cute fur-balls. Three pups who took their first trip as a blended brotherhood to the beach on Valentine’s...
What a fucking whirlwind. When I tell you I am terrible at working on the website and also lack an eye for website design, I am being kind to myself. It is incredibly discouraging, but also somewhat hilarious to suck so much at something and still not quit. It is a part of how I credit myself, deduct what needs to be, and find balance...
It is rainy and it is cold and I am over it. I usually like this weather and the comfort it brings by allowing things to slow down and get cozy and comfy. Take it easy. I can always tell when I am going to be ready for the early days of summer…it is when I get to the point where my skin is so...
Bossy got attacked. It was a beautiful sunny day last Friday, the boys got on the Target app the night before and purchased a couple sets of legos they could do together for brother bonding time. And I am all about that. They also used their own money to make the purchase and set it for the drive-up option so I would not have to...
I got a pedicure this evening and I drove around after with the heater on full blast on the floor vents only to help dry them before I returned home to twelve paws to greet me and ruin them. I did not have my glasses with me and it was dark so I was leaning heavily on the center divide and questioning just about every...
How did I wake up this morning? Oh, I woke up because Chip and Yote like to wrestle on the bed in the early hours and Yote must have learned how to bob and weave like his momma and therefore Chip missed his target (like Code Monkey missed my face) and instead he bit my ass. I think I have stressed how serious waking me...
I love using Pinterest. I have a pretty amazing little setup with mostly all private folders. Some are shared but other than that it is just basically a private little organizer for my brain. If there ever were one that made sense to others. I mostly do nothing with these saves. However, I do understand a lot more about myself as I go Pinteresting around....
I was chatting with an old friend who mentioned life really just didn’t turn out the way they thought it was going to. Look I am past the point of being shocked by this in any capacity. I am just shocked no one tells us not to expect anything to begin with. I don’t mean that in a depressing way, just the most basic acceptance...
I bought a pair of new house slippers. Had to as these things look like a grown-up version of the confetti birthday cake or perhaps something similar to my jawbreaker-licking analogy. A little faded and not so bright, but the color is still there. The version that experienced life and knows it can be a huge letdown but still has some hope under the surface...
The house slept in today. Sundays are the best. This weekend was a good one. I spent the night with a girlfriend on Friday, and as you know, girls will be girls. We rode a glass elevator to the rooftop in our bathing suits, kicks on our feet, and me in a puff vest (for some modesty of course) whilst holding four to-go coffee cups...
Oh man, where to start today. So many emotions. This morning was mostly just sadness. Heavy emotions. Piles of thoughts and feelings with no clear direction. I always rinse my face with cold water in the morning and reapply eye cream and moisturizer and go grab my coffee. It is really nice when the weather is cooler here because the water runs so much colder...
I had the equivalent of one school day alone today. It has been a minute. The house was empty, I stayed in pjs and socks, attempted to get through a movie, danced with the dogs to “Peanut Butter Jelly” by Galantis. The boys always get so upset when I play this song. Is it the song, my dancing or the fact that I get absolutely...
I had a random idea to bake a blueberry pie. Random indeed. I don't bake. I hate baking. I suck at baking. Baking is reliant on perfection. Cooking relies on imagination, taste, and excitement. I like cooking. But I have to be in the headspace. One time I had a client company I had worked with over the course of a year, they kept asking...
I woke up early and started my morning excited as I had my hair appointment. I don't let just anyone put their hands on my mane. And my hairdresser is a very significant and important relationship in my life, so I look forward to spending a handful of hours with her. I woke up early, showered, managed to lift my leg up before noon to...
Feeling uncomfortable is not my favorite thing. Not a lot of things can make me feel this way. I am currently very uncomfortable. And to reiterate, feeling uncomfortable makes me uncomfortable. Growth. That is what is happening. I am changing. I am spring cleaning my mind in the fall. This Open Journal is getting me to purge and think and feel myself…“when I think about...
I spent a lot of today discussing with myself and sometimes others how I feel about not truly journaling as I would in private. I do not for a multitude of reasons. The most important being to protect others. Nothing about it being to protect myself. In fact, it feels like it is causing me harm to not just take off the restraints I placed...
When I use a microwave, knowing just how bad they are for me and all, I never ever put a solid number in. Im like mehhhhh this looks like it needs a solid 3:27. Said with total confidence and certainty. It is a bit of a superstition. Turns out I passed that on to my kids. That could easily be due to nature or nurture....
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